There are times in life when all of us need a little boost. Here is a little pep talk for you when being single sucks and you need a little support and a new perspective.
You are not your relationship status
You may be asked about your relationship status by strangers. They want to know how to categorize you. You are, however, far more than your relationship status. No matter what your aunt may be telling you, there is nothing wrong with you if you are single.
There is no need for you to feel ashamed of your weekend lie-ins, your organized life, or your freedom to do what you want. Dare to live your life boldly and unapologetically. If others feel discomfort for your social status, that’s on them.
Whether you are happy in life or not may have little to do with your relationships status. Not all singles are happy, not all are miserable—and the exact same applies to those in committed relationships. If life is a bit challenging right now or your mood is low, it may have nothing to do with not having a partner. Being in a relationship does not guarantee bliss and happiness. Not all struggles are relational.
It’s ok to feel torn
You are likely to have days when you count your single status as a blessing and days when you crave a partnered life. That is ok. There is nothing wrong with feeling conflicted about your relationship status. Those in relationships are not always thrilled to be partnered, either.
You are a human being. We feel conflicted at times. Don’t shy away from your feelings. They are what they are. There is nothing wrong with you. There is also nothing wrong with openly talking about both the joys of being unattached and the longing for a romantic relationship.
Your life is not on hold
Many single clients I have worked with say that they struggle to plan the future as there is no one to plan it with.
Your life is not on hold, nor is it incomplete. Your life is full and you are enough. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel otherwise. They are either threatened or envious of you. Leave them to work through their emotions while you live your life as you see best.
If you are a person who lives in the moment, live in the moment. Plan your future if you are a planner. If you meet someone and your plans change, so be it. It happens to everyone regardless of their relationship status. What do you want to do next?
You are not a failure
You may have tried to find a life partner or you may have always preferred your independence and solitude. Either way, you are not a failure.
It is also important to remember that our ability to form close relationships vary. Not all are well suited for committed long-term relationships. Others prefer companionship over emotionally intense romantic relationships. Others find that solitude works best for them.
There may be good personal reasons why you do not want to be or struggle to be in a committed relationship. We learn about relationships by being in relationships. You may have had bad experiences. Whether or not you want to heal and try out new relationships does not change the fact that you are good enough as you are whether or not you are coupled or single. Your value is not dependent on your relationship status.
You are whole
You may not have a long-term relationship but that does not make you incomplete or your life half-lived. Instead, you may be living a more intentional life as you need to carry the responsibility of your wellbeing. When there is no one to fall back on, you are responsible for making choices in your life you can live with. You need to create a support network for times of need. Not much will come automatically or assumed for you but that is not a bad thing. For it is the unintentional life that is half-lived. Life, where you do not need to question or consider your choices, does not challenge you or wake you up.
You are not lacking or less. You are enough and you are living a whole life.
Why not take a look at our guide to Celebrating Being Single.
Matleena Vanhanen is a licensed Counselling Psychologist with over 20 years of experience working in Europe and the Middle East. She has a practice of couples and individual therapy at the MapleTree Center in Dubai.